Cracked: Civil War could happen here; let's ban guns!

So... after going on about how great gun control is...

Cracked writes this article.

It Could Happen Here: 5 Ways Civil War Changes Modern Life


Gee this is up there with Cracked talking about how abusive and racist police are... while also demanding gun control... and for the kicker they write on how the Police are starting the next US Civil war.

*golf claps*


Though in classic Cracked fashion they pick the Ukraine as their example...

Which isn't quite a Civil War.   Or if you went ahead with it being a civil war you'd think they'd at least mention Russia's involvement.

Save for these bits...

Within a matter of weeks a huge chunk of Eastern Ukraine, centered around the city of Donetsk, declared itself a new country: "Novorussia." President Yanukovych was ousted on Feb. 22. Our source Anna lived in the city of Donetsk. On March 1, barely a week later, this happened:
"A group of ... aggressive people got out on the streets of Donetsk, and some seemed to be local, others had accents that seemed to ID them as Russian. They seemed to be from Russian cities like Rostov. They came out and put out Russian flags; they took down Ukrainian flags. They surrounded the district council building, and they stormed the building. ... [They] wanted to make this man Pavel Gubarev mayor. People were shouting 'Russiya!' and started taking down Ukrainian flags."....
See, most modern cameras include GPS data in the image files they make. Early in the war one Russian soldier posted a selfie on Instagram that led to the first objective confirmation that Russian soldiers were fighting in Ukraine.

Yeah...  civil war.

Of course Cracked had to avoid mentioning the Russian involvement in Ukraine.

Because acknowledging that Russia has given massive support in material, men, and intelligence and is working to take over parts of Ukraine....

Well what would that make their "It can happen here!"  headline?

It'd make them sound like they think Red Dawn could happen in the US.

Cracked "We Don't want to Ban Guns"

Wow....  so this is cracke's edgy new angle on guns.




It's ironic that they talk about "feeling safe" as something on the pro-gun side.  And the whole deodand thing.

Now watch this and you'll readily see why the gun control advocates were so heavily invested in their "every day is a mass shooting!" stat.  And you know for saying that nobody wants to take your guns they seem pretty invested in... getting rid of guns.

There's a reason why they don't talk about what gun control they want.

Remember how recently they had a post on how no one wants to take your guns?

On and the brain trust has just figured out that guns are designed to kill people.

Do tell!

Well at least they didn't go for the "the 2nd amendment only protects militias" argument.

Because that would have been... awkwerd given another article that came out today.

4 Facts Anti-Government Militias Don't Want You To Know

Now sure the article does point out that these groups cherry-pick the laws they object to, and that they don't exactly have a record of... competence.

But it wouldn't Be Cracked if they didn't get in the racism angle
With such gems as:

This information was compiled by the Southern Poverty Law Center, a hate group watchdog working in tandem with FBI investigations. You can't deny that most high-profile cases of domestic anti-government and/or white supremacist terrorism (Ruby Ridge, Waco, Posse Comitatus, Oklahoma City) have happened while a Democrat was in office. It's also not hard to guess why these groups would suddenly surge after the election of an African American president who makes gun sales skyrocket every time he farts.

The SPLC?  Yeah that's a non-biased group.   Wait...  Waco was an example of anti-government and/or white supremacist terrorism?  Uh...  okay...

That's kind of a "wet pavement causes rain" way to look at things.  And Posse Comitatus?  Does the writer mean the Act or the Organization?  And if the organization do they mean the shooting of deputies in 2012?   I'd guess so but there's no source.

And it's funny that in an article about an occupation of a building, as a protest of police abuse there's no mention of Occupy or BLM.

Though the best part of the paragraph is "election of an African American president who makes gun sales skyrocket every time he farts".

Right... those paranoid racist gun owners,  stupidly thinking Obama wanted to ban guns, and then stupidly buying guns whenever he advocates for gun control.  How crazy!

But here's the best part,  after the article goes on about how stupid, racist, and politically biases these militias are but what's the top item?

#1. These Guys Are Absolutely Right To Not Trust The Government

Oh, well then.


But here's the best part, see it's not that the goverment is acutally abusive or dangerous.  Nope it's that these guys are all vets that are ill treated.

Yup!  It's the old "dangerous veteran" chestnut.

With a bonus swipe at gun shows:

 Maybe it has more to do with a system that can spit out someone like a shell-shocked Timothy McVeigh and completely lose him in a sea of gun shows and angry anti-American rants.

Yes... use a guy who murdered people via a giant bomb to take a swipe at gun owners.

Obama totally doesn't want to ban guns! Says Writer that totally wants to ban guns.

That's right!

Cracked's  Luke McKinney  is at it again.

When we last saw him in September he was spewing quite a lot of usual bile.

Where in about every other paragraph he mocked the intelligence and sexuality of gun owners.

This is a guy who was visibly angry at a lack of bans and confiscation.   A man who thought even hunting wasn't a valid reason to own guns (#5 on the preceding link) .

And here he is doing 20 questions On Obama's recent executive actions.

And in short... he's pretty correct and shows that he's fairly informed on the legal rules on purchasing and how the Executive Actions would change things.

And it's (especially by Luke's standards) very civil.

Isn't it odd that a guy who doesn't think there's any valid reasons to own guns and demanded some pretty strong gun control is so calm about Obama's actions?  You'd think he'd be livid, right?  

I mean this is a guy that couldn't write go two paragraphs without an insult to gun owners.

Of course the first question shows why Luke is taking this tack.  All of a sudden a writer that was all about gun bans and confiscation is telling us that no one wants gun bans and confiscations.  Especially the president!

And lest we forget Obama did spend months lobbying congress to pass an Assault Weapons Ban, and endorsed states that did pass assault weapons bans.  Including states that did away with grandfathering and meant that gun owners had to give up their guns.

Though Luke's change in attitude means a lack of sincerity either then or now.


Heck let's just track  how Luke ends these articles.

Luke's  June post:

Check out more NRA nutcasery with 3 Reasons It's Time To Stop Taking The NRA Seriously and The 4 Most Meaningless Arguments Against Gun Control. 

Enjoy imaginary worlds where guns make sense with The Strange History Of Terminator Games and The Greatest Video Game Gun Of All Time.

His September post:

Do you want more rootin' tootin' anti-gun argumentin'? Of course you do! We've got more adventures in all-American gunplay right here, with 5 Reasons Even Gun Owners Should Hate The NRA and The 4 Most Meaningless Arguments Against Gun Control.

And don't forget that minigun barrages are entirely reasonable in professional, movie-invented, killer robot and/or generic foreign despot scenarios. That's why Luke gathered The Toughest Action Dads In Movie History and The Most Advanced Terminator Games Ever Made in handy lists, for YOU.

And today's:

Luke openly admits he has a bias when it comes to the gun control debate. Read more from him on the subject in 7 Incredibly Biased Arguments Against Gun Control and find some common ground in the gun control debate after reading 6 Things Gun Lovers And Haters Can Agree On.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see why James Bond needs a lot more than a silencer to be stealthy in 5 Gun Myths You Probably Believe (Thanks To Movies), and watch other videos you won't see on the site!

Huh how about that.  Why it's like he decided to back off on how much he hates guns.
Shame there's links showing he's got a bit more than a "bias".